


tell me what i could have

by seeingrightly



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 13:34:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17346155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeingrightly/pseuds/seeingrightly
Summary: “What are the rules for when you aren’t covered up?” Hermann asks, standing and making his way around the desk.“Only your side of the lab, Dr. Gottlieb,” Mako recites.“What else?” Hermann asks, tapping the toe of Jake’s boot with the tip of his cane.“No touching,” Jake says.He’s four years old and knows what he’s supposed to say and never, ever actually does it. It’s as infuriating as it is charming.





	tell me what i could have

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CancerConstellation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CancerConstellation/gifts).



> okay today [wen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CancerConstellation) drew [this](https://twitter.com/SkepticAmeba/status/1082334730912235522) and i lost my gd mind and made her come up with something i could write about it and now here it is. i hope u like it bud
> 
> title from ra ra riot's "dying is fine"

 

 

 

Hermann doesn’t look up from his computer when he hears giggling.

“Are you following the rules?” he asks.

“Oh. I forgot shoes,” Mako calls from the doorway.

At that, Hermann does remove his glasses and look over. Mako tends to run around the Shatterdome barefoot, can’t be dissuaded from it. A child shouldn’t be most of the places she ends up as it is, but it’s particularly dangerous for she and her brother to enter certain spaces when they aren’t properly covered up. Mako does, at least, have on long pants and a cardigan over her t-shirt. Her brother wears shoes and rather high socks, as well as long sleeves, but also shorts.

“Can we still come in?” Mako asks.

She’s holding Jake by the hand. He has his gaze fixed on Newt, who’s wearing headphones and hasn’t noticed them yet, focused on the specimen he’s dissecting.

“What are the rules for when you aren’t covered up?” Hermann asks, standing and making his way around the desk.

“Only your side of the lab, Dr. Gottlieb,” Mako recites.

“What else?” Hermann asks, tapping the toe of Jake’s boot with the tip of his cane.

“No touching,” Jake says.

He’s four years old and knows what he’s supposed to say and never, ever actually does it. It’s as infuriating as it is charming.

“Follow me,” Hermann says, and he whacks Newt on the back of the leg with his cane, causing him to yelp, as he leads the children to a table in a corner of the lab. 

The small folding table, a chair on either side, is far away from Newt’s work and piled with objects that have made their way into the workspace - Newt’s instruments, action figures, both of their books. A box of crayons and sheets of paper. Hermann pulls out one of the chairs, and before he can do anything else, Mako grabs her brother under the arms and hauls him through the air, his boots crash-landing on the metal chair loudly. He clambers his way into a kneeling position, his elbows on the table and his chin in one hand.

“Is there a particular reason for this visit?” Hermann asks as Mako makes her way more gracefully into the other chair.

She shakes her head, then brushes her hair out of her face. Newt steps up to Hermann’s side and reaches out to mess up her hair even further, though he relents when she pulls away.

“What’s up, kiddo?” he asks.

“Do you have anything cool we can look at today?” Mako asks beseechingly, which makes Newt smile, because she undoubtedly picked her frequent use of the word “cool” up from him. “We’ll be good, right, Jake?”

The last part is aimed at Hermann rather than Jake, who’s reached out to grab at Newt’s bracelets and clearly isn’t listening. Newt lets him hold his hand with his small fingers and twist at the black leather straps with more patience than Hermann usually accredits him. This used to make Hermann nervous, allowing the children into the lab, Newt showing them small samples of kaiju bits, but Newt knows what he is  _ doing _ and wouldn’t truly allow anyone who wasn’t also a professional, regardless of age, near something hazardous without the proper protection.

“Okay, bud, you gotta let go if you want me to grab something exciting,” Newt says, tapping on the back of Jake’s hand.

Jake releases him, but he looks conflicted about it, so Hermann holds out a hand to help him down from the chair. Jake doesn’t let go, which is gratifying, and Hermann leads him and Mako to the desk on Hermann’s side of the lab they generally use for the proceedings. Newt brings over an enclosed petri dish and places it on the desk, close enough to the edge that Mako can see it, but not close enough that anyone will try to touch it.

Mako normally hoists Jake up onto her hip for this, an amusing sight since she’s so small herself. But Jake recently hit a growth spurt, and she doesn’t pick him up the same way. Instead, she grabs him under the arms, around his middle and swings him upward. She does hoist him around this way, “like a sack of potatoes,” Newt calls it, when they’re being silly, and Jake loves it. It doesn’t look comfortable for this, though, Mako leaning back, Jake’s legs dangling, as she steps toward the table.

Hermann isn’t sure if he should offer his help or not, but then Jake slips downward in Mako’s grasp and they both start giggling.

“Oh no!” Mako says. “The Conn-Pod is loose!”

She takes a heavy step forward and lets a vaguely mechanical noise out through her clenched teeth, then she does the same with the other foot.

“Blue Mako to LOCCENT,” Jake says loudly. “The Conn-Pod is loose!”

Hermann doesn’t make the conscious decision to rest his hand on his chest, over his heart, but it happens nonetheless. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Newt make a conflicted expression - surely thinking something about the glorification of war, or the decreasing age limits for cadets. He looks Hermann’s way, then, and all of that slides off of his face to be replaced with something muted but warm.

It’s horrifically embarrassing, for his own reaction to be caught out in this way, much less to be  _ reacted to _ . Hermann drops his hand to his side, clenches his fist briefly. Jake slides all the way out of Mako’s arms before they reach the table, though she catches him before he lands on his knees.

“I think we need a new plan,” Mako says, still laughing.

“I kinda need my hands free over here so I can explain to you two goobers what you’re looking at,” Newt says, and then, without looking away from Mako, he continues, “Maybe Hermann can…”

“Can what?” he asks stiffly.

Jake and Mako both turn to look at Hermann with identically times head swivels, and then Jake raises his arms toward Hermann. It would be uncomfortable. Holding a child on his good hip would not do him any favors. And Hermann isn’t used to physical contact with children.

But Hermann is not, at the end of the day, when safety is not an issue, good at saying no to Newt, or to these two children.

Jake’s arms wrap around his neck, a little too tight at first, when Hermann leans over, trying to maintain his balance as he lifts the boy up. They stabilize, better than Mako had been able to, Jake snug against his side. 

Hermann has an urge to press his face to the side of Jake’s head. His ear, from this close, is so very small that Hermann can’t look away from it for a moment. It’s overwhelming, to be so near to a child, to hold all of his weight and feel capable of it.

For a brief, unreasonable moment, Hermann figures that he’s the jaeger now.

There must be something in his expression at that thought, because when he finally looks away from Jake, Newt is watching him intently, that warmth still there but amplified. Hermann can’t possibly deal with that, whatever that is, as well, so he clears his throat and looks down at the sample.

“What do we have today?” he asks.

Newt begins to talk, but Hermann finds he can’t pay attention, watching as if from a distance as Newt gestures over the table, as Mako nods along. Jake rests his head against Hermann’s shoulder as he listens. Hermann can feel his heartbeat where their chests are pressed together. He feels an urge to wrap him up and squeeze him, this boy he doesn’t even know very well.

Hermann would willingly admit to preferring Mako’s company; she’s more predictable to him and therefore easier to interact with, but he also has shared interests with her. As far as Hermann can tell, Jake isn’t old enough to have strong interests or much of a personality yet, and Hermann frankly has no idea what to do with him.

It’s different, now. Hermann isn’t sure how it’s different, he just knows it is.

Jake wriggles in his grasp suddenly, and Hermann lets out a startled, questioning sound he can’t help, panicking slightly that he won’t be able to lower Jake as quickly as he wants. But Jake is looking at him expectantly; he’s waiting patiently for Hermann’s attention.

“Yes, what is it?” Hermann asks. “Do you want to get down?”

“Yeah,” Jake says, nodding and swinging his legs a little.

Hermann carefully sets him down, immediately feeling a little bereft.

“Well,” he says, though he doesn’t know the answer, “that was a good lesson, wasn’t it?”

Both of the children nod.

“Thank you, Newt,” Mako says, and then she shakes Jake’s arm gently until he repeats her. “And thank you too, Dr. Gottlieb.”

Jake repeats that also, word for word, though he misses a letter or two in Hermann’s last name.

“Oh, you’re very welcome,” Hermann says, consciously choosing not to place his hand on his chest this time, though he suspects Newt notices the way his voice wavers the slightest bit.

Mako takes her brother’s hand and leads him out of the lab, staying carefully along Hermann’s side the whole way. She waves before heading through the doors, and Hermann waves back.

He expects Newt to say something, to tease him, to ask a question that will unintentionally make him feel uncomfortable and exposed. He can feel his shoulder climb toward his ears in anticipation of it. But when he turns back from the doorway, Newt just shoots him a small, friendly smile as he picks up the petri dish, and then he heads back to his own side of the lab.

Hermann heads back to his computer. It’s always a little difficult to go back to work after a visit from the children, but it’s particularly hard this time.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter at [coralbluenmbr5](https://twitter.com/coralbluenmbr5) or tumblr at [ch3ry1b10ss0m](http://ch3ry1b10ss0m.tumblr.com)


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